Disobedience to Women?

Disobedience to Women?

[Note: Special thanks to John Andaluso for clarifying some points mentioned below].

Introduction:

“Abu ’Abdillah (al-Sadiq) said that women were mentioned before the Messenger of Allah and He said, 'Disobey women in lawful matters (Ma'ruf) before they command you to do unlawful acts and you must seek refuge with Allah against the wicked women and remain on your guard with the good ones of them.'"

عن أبي عبد الله (عليه السلام) قال: ذكر رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله) النساء فقال: اعصوهن في المعروف (1) قبل أن يأمرنكم بالمنكر وتعوذوا بالله من شرارهن وكونوا من خيارهن على حذر

This hadith, which is also almost exactly the same as Sermon 80 of Nahj al-Balagha, discussed in part 2 of this series, has been interpreted in various ways previously, some even deriving incorrect conclusions from it. In this part, I shall state my view of this tradition and it's meanings, God willing.

I divide this hadith into two parts to simplify it's explanation. That being said, let's begin ! :)

Section A - Disobeying women.

The Imam says: 'Disobey women in lawful matters before they command you to do unlawful acts'.

[Bihar al-Anwar, Volume 32 page 248]

'Allama al-Majlisi says:

"Leaving the obedience of women in Ma'ruf (what is right) can be done by:

-Resorting to another instance of it (the deed).

-Or doing it (the deed) in a way that shows it wasn't done merely to obey them but for the fact that it is ma'ruf (a righteous deed).

-Or leaving aside some mustahabat (recommended acts). In which case, leaving the mustahab would be in itself mustahab, as is reported regarding merits of leaving it in some cases such as money."

وترك طاعتهن في المعروف إما بالعدول إلى فرد آخر منه أو فعله على وجه يظهر أنه ليس لطاعتهن بل لكونه معروفا أو ترك بعض المستحبات فيكون الترك حينئذ مستحبا كما ورد تركها في بعض الأحوال كحال الملال.

What does it mean to do a deed in a way that shows it wasn't done to merely obey women, but for the fact that it is ma'ruf?

“…so that (in case) one of the two women should err, then either of the two should remind the other....” (2:282)

The Quran in 2:282 clearly distinguishes between the nature of man and women. The testimony of one man equals that of two women. Simply one woman’s testimony cannot be believed, but it has to be two women. Such that if one woman errs in her testimony, the other can remind her.

So a woman’s word is not seen by God as equal to the word of another man, unless her word can be corroborated, by a man or another woman. A woman’s testimony in hadith can be seen in a similar light. If she informs you of a deed and cannot be corroborated in it, 'Allama al-Majlisi believes it is best to “resort to another instance of it (the deed).”

'Allama al-Majlisi also suggests: “Doing it (the deed) in a way that shows it wasn’t done merely to obey them but for the fact that it is ma’ruf (righteous deed)*

This is not problematic, because the Qur'an is against blindly following any fallible.

"...When those who have been followed dissociate themselves from those who followed, and they see the punishment." (2:166)

Both the follower and the followed one go to hell if they follow a sin. Thus, one must always analyze the actions of whom he is following, to see whether or not it is Ma'ruf, and follow them on the basis of it being ma'ruf, not on the basis of mere obedience.

An example:

"...nor will they disobey you in what is right (ma'ruf)." (60:12)

The Prophet takes a pledge from the women that they won't disobey him in what is ma'ruf. The Prophet, being infallible, would never judge in anything except the ma'ruf, however this shows us that not disobeying him is contingent on the fact that he judges in the ma'ruf. Not obeying him simply for his person, but because his judgement is ma'ruf (right).

Generally, we have several narrations that forbid obeying one blindly, for their person. Rather one must follow a command if it is ma'ruf, not because of the one saying it.

As Imam 'Ali says,

"Look at what's being said, not at who said it." [Mizan al-Hikmah Volume 3 page 2083]

عنه (عليه السلام): لا تنظر إلى من قال، وانظر إلى ما قال 

So for example, if Zurara were to command the Shi'a to commit a ma'ruf act, we have to show that we obeyed this for the fact that it was ma'ruf, enjoined by the Qur'an and Sunnah, not out of mere obedience for Zurara's person.

Why should men disobey women in the Ma'ruf?

“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other..” (4:34)

The Qur’an in 4:34 places “men in charge of women.” The Qur’an sees the natural state for a woman is to be obedient to her husband. A husband thus has the natural authority to disobey his wife, even if she is advising him in what is right. He has to rationalize what is ma’ruf, instead of simply obeying his wife for the purpose of obedience to her. This is the status / natural state per the Quran & ahadith with which Allama Majlisi explained in Imam ‘Ali’s hadith.

It isn't to say that women are always wrong even if they are commanding ma'ruf, rather, the husband has to rationalize whether his wife is commanding the ma'ruf, and then he has to perform the act for the reason that it is ma'ruf, not because of obedience for the woman's person.

Leaving aside some mustahabat?

'Allama al-Majlisi continues:

“Or leaving aside *some* mustahabat. In which case, leaving that mustahab would be in itself mustahab, as is reported regarding the merits of leaving it in *some cases such as money*”

Allah says:

“And do not give the weak-minded your property, which Allah has made a means of sustenance for you, but provide for them with it and clothe them and speak to them words of appropriate kindness.” (4:5)

“Do not entrust the incapable (among your dependants) with your wealth which Allah has made a means of support for you”. Allah tells us to not give the ‘incapable’ our wealth to manage on their own. But to “clothe them from it, and speak to them kindly”.

What does the Shi’i Tafsir, Tafsir al-Qummi say? The ‘incapable’ are women and children. But the report clarifies it is for the man to rationalize whether his wife or children are incapable or not. It would be however, the natural state for women and children are under this label.

'Allama al-Majlisi only recommends not obeying women in specific cases of Mustahabat our Imams mention, such as with money. 

In general however, as the Mustahabat are widely known, and what is reported as Mustahab is permissible to carry out. Even if it was not authentically attributed to The Messenger of Allah - you will still receive the same spiritual reward for it. As I clarify, regarding the principle of “Tasamuh”, here.

Also, Shi'i narrations clarify that what is meant by disobeying women, also refers to disobeying them in unlawful acts.

[al-Kafi, Volume 5 page 517]

Abu 'Abdullah said that the Messenger of Allah has said, ‘Whoever obeys his woman Allah throws him on his face in the fire.’ It was asked, ‘What kind of obeying is it?’ He) replied, ‘It is when she asks him to take her to public baths (like beach areas), wedding ceremonies (with dancing and so on) and ‘Id parties, mourning programs (with unlawful activities) and to find see-through clothes.’

عن أبيه، عن النوفلي، عن السكوني، عن أبي عبد الله (عليه السلام) قال: قال رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله): من أطاع امرأته أكبه الله على وجهه في النار، قيل: وما تلك الطاعة؟ قال: تطلب منه الذهاب إلى الحمامات والعرسات والعيدات والنياحات و الثياب الرقاق

'Allama Naser Makarem Shirazi states:

"It is clear that the meaning of ‘not obeying women even in good things’ does not mean that if they encourage towards good actions such as the prayers, fasting, justice and goodness that we are to disobey them; rather it means that we must not unconditionally follow them. In other words, ‘goodness’ must be performed because it is good, and not because one’s spouse has commanded it to be done, such that one becomes bold and they think that they now can order you to do bad things and that they will be obeyed." [Commentary on Sermon 80]

An Objection:

[al-Kafi Volume 5 page 518]

 “Whenever the Messenger of Allah was about to embark on an armed expedition, he would call his wives for advice and then oppose them.’” 

 محمد بن يحيى، عن أحمد بن محمد، عن الحسين بن سيف، عن إسحاق بن عمار، رفعه قال: كان رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وسلم) إذا أراد الحرب دعا نساءه فاستشارهن ثم خالفهن.

One may object here saying this tradition indicates women must be disobeyed always.

'Allama al-Majlisi says that doing the opposite of what women say, in this case, refers to "doing the deed in such a way that shows it wasn't done to obey them but because it is ma'ruf, or by resorting to another instance of the deed."

It is not that the women's words must be disobeyed, rather, the obedience shouldn't be to her person, only to the ma'ruf.

Summary of Section A:

What is meant by disobeying women in lawful matters simply means performing those acts in a way that shows it wasn't done for obedience to the woman's person but rather because the act is a righteous and good act.

Also, as al-Majlisi states, there are some lawful acts that are mustahab to refrain from performing. Thus if one's wife commands such an act, the husband can disobey her in these specific cases since it is mustahab to refrain from said act.

Finally, the Imam states "seek refuge from Allah from the evil ones and remain on guard with the good ones from them."

This statement applies to both men and women, and now we shall see some narrations that clarify how these principles aren't solely for women, but apply to men too.

Section B - Narrations regarding blind obedience of men.

 [al-Kafi, Volume 4, page 282]

“I asked Abu Ja’far (al-Baqir) , about the case of a woman who has a husband and it is her first Hajj but he does not give her permission to go for Hajj. He (the Imam) said, ‘She can perform Hajj even though he does not give permission.”

الحسين بن محمد، عن معلى بن محمد، عن الوشاء، عن أبان، عن زرارة، عن أبي جعفر (عليه السلام) قال: سألته عن امرأة لها زوج وهي صرورة لا يأذن لها في الحج قال:
تحج وإن لم يأذن لها.

This goes to show one example of how a woman is not obligated to obey her husband if the husband’s command is against Islamic tradition.

[Wasa'il al-Shi'a Volume 27 page 132]

Imam 'Ali said : "Whoever takes his religion from the mouths of men is destroyed by men."

وقال أمير المؤمنين (عليه السلام): من أخذ دينه من أفواه الرجال أزالته الرجال

[Wasa'il al-Shi'a Volume 27 page 126]

Imam al-Sadiq said: "Beware of supporting a man who does not have any (divine) authority but you acknowledge whatever he said."

قلت: جعلت فداك أما الرياسة فقد عرفتها، وأما أن أطأ أعقاب الرجال فما ثلثا (1) ما في يدي إلا مما وطئت أعقاب الرجال ، فقال لي: ليس حيث تذهب، إياك أن تنصب رجلا دون الحجة فتصدقه في كل ما قال.

These two ahadith show how our Imams are against blind imitation of anybody regardless of their gender, except if they are infallible and divinely chosen. One must not simply acknowledge what men have said.

This goes hand in hand with the narrations regarding disobeying women, in the sense that neither man nor woman must be blindly obeyed for their person, rather they must only be obeyed in the ma'ruf commands.

Conclusion:

God willing we have clarified what these narrations mean and how they aren't blatant discrimination against women, rather there is greater wisdom behind them.

The Qur'an sees the natural state of the woman to be obedient to her husband, but even this, as we have seen, only applies up until the husband commands her in lawful, righteous acts. If the husband commands her with something unlawful, she is not allowed to obey him since he no longer is commanding the ma'ruf.

Although there is more to discuss on this topic, I believe our discussion here suffices to clarify the basics of this narration from our Imams.

To conclude, I cite a narration of the Prophet:

[Makarim al-Akhlaq page 216]

The Messenger of Allah said: "The best of men from my Ummah are those who do not abuse their families and are compassionate with them and do not wrong them. He then recited the verse: "Men are the caretakers of women.." (4:34)

 وقال (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم): خير الرجال من أمتي الذين لا يتطاولون على أهليهم ويحنون عليهم (1) ولا يظلمونهم، ثم قرأ " الرجال قوامون على النساء بما فضل الله بعضهم على بعض " الآية

Wa Allahu 'Aalam.